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ET breaks the news that comedian George Carlin has died from heart failure. The man who made famous the "seven words you can never say on television" passed away at 5:55 p.m. Sunday at Saint John's Hospital in Santa Monica, his longtime publicist said. He was 71.

Carlin, who has had several heart attacks and a history of cardiac issues, went into the hospital this afternoon after complaining of heart problems.
Carlin has more than 20 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, numerous TV and movie roles, and three best-selling books to his credit. Last year, he celebrated his 50th year in show business, and he had just finished his last HBO special in March, "It's Bad for Ya."



I can't believe I didn't get to see him perform live in B-more in April...

I read that he died this morning. He was a comic genius, truly. I will sorely miss his excellent humor!

EW Wrote:George Carlin, the famously acerbic stand-up comedian, has died. Thepioneering entertainer succumbed to heart failure in Santa Monica,Calif., on Sunday, at age 71. Carlin, who began making TV appearancesin the 1960s with a conventional comedy act, emerged in the 1970s witha style much more reflective of the times, pushing into more sensitiveareas of social observation and language, a favorite topic of his overthe years. Most notably, his recorded routine ''Seven Words You CanNever Say on Television'' became the center of a landmark Supreme Courtcase.


As the years passed, Carlin solidified his status as a curmudgeonlyelder statesman of alternative comedy. Having hosted the first episodeof Saturday Night Live in 1975, he starred in a number of HBOcomedy specials over four decades. He also appeared in occasional movieroles, including Kevin Smith's Dogma (1999), and he lent his voice to Pixar's 2006 release, Cars. In the past 10 years, he achieved success as an author, publishing three best-sellers; the audiobook of his most recent, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?,was nominated for a 2006 Grammy in the Spoken Word category. Just lastweek, Carlin was named the recipient of the 11th annual Mark TwainPrize for American Humor.


http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20208227...+at+age+71

They forgot to mention he playes Ruphus in "Bill and Ted's" movies.

From http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funn...lines.html


Here are the top 50 best George Carlin jokes, quotes and one liners from his stand up routine. It wasn’t easy to narrow down the hundreds of great lines from comedian George Carlin, but these are 50 of his funniest, most thought provoking and sometimes controversial lines.

1. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
2. Swimming is not a sport; swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
3. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
4. Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit, and your shit is stuff?
5. If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
6. Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
7. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
8. It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
9. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time,somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
10. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
11. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you doany of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, andsuffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you.He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
12. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
13. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
14. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
15. “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
16. As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
17. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
18. When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
19. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
20. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
21. I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
22. Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
23. Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
24. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
25. Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
26. Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
27. If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?
28. What year did Jesus think it was?
29. George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
30. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
31. In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
32. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for.Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
33. People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a choice, did ya there, buddy?
34. Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
36. I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
37. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
38. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
39. So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
40. Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
41. When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
42. The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.
43. I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
44. If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
45. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
46. I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
47. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
48. Life is a zero sum game.
49. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
50. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

So funny!

GRRemlin Wrote:They forgot to mention he playes Ruphus in "Bill and Ted's" movies.

That was my first exposure to excellence! hehe

we should celebrate his life, by going to a comedy club

That's what I was thinking. I bet he'd want that!

Sure! Let's do it!

Where and when?

I can do Tuesday and Thursday

i can do tuesday too, i have a fake doctors appnt. on wednesday, so i can come in to work later

I can 99% of the time never do Tuesday or Thursday. I have two soccer games both nights. This week falls in the 99%.

He is my favorite comedian because he is so good with words!!! I have many of his DVD s and quote him pretty much on daily basis!!
One of my favorite little skits that he did was about driving and car accidents!!!!
I will miss him terribly

I also love the one about people who never use the turn signals

I have set my DVR to record all Gorge Carlin stuff on TV. They are airing his new HBO Special "It's bad for ya" in July..

HAhahahahah

If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.

GEORGE CARLIN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
from "Complaints and Grievances" (HBO special)

Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let's start with the first three:

I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH

Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.

And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS

This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.

&

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF.

People I can do without. This is my list:
guys in their fifties named"Skip."
Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an Exxon credit card.
Anairline pilot who has on two different shoes.
A proctologist with poordepth perception.
A pimp who drives a Toyota Corolla.
A gynecologistwho wants my wife to have three or four drinks before the examination.
Guys with a lot of small pins on their hats.
Anyone who mentions Jesusmore than three hundred times in a two-minute conversation.
A dentistwith blood in his hair.
Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zooanimals.
A funeral director who says "Hope to see you folks again realsoon!"
Girls who get drunk and throw up at breakfast.
A man with onlyone lip.
A Boy Scout master who owns a dildo shop.
People who actuallyknow the second verse to "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Any lawyer whorefers to the police as the "Federalies."
A cross-eyed nun with abullwhip and a bottle of gin!
A brain surgeon with "Born to Lose"tattooed on his hands.
Couples whose children's names all start withthe same initials.
A man in a hospital gown directing traffic.
Awaitress with a visible infection on her serving hand.
People who havelarge gums and small teeth.
Guys who wear the same underwear until itbegins to cut off the circulation to their feet.
And any man whose armhair completely covers his wristwatch.

All right, that's enough of that.

Here's another question I have. How come when it's us, it's anabortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so muchbetter than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen, that wepassed chickens in goodness. Name 6 ways we're better than chickens.See, nobody can do it! You know why? ‘Cause chickens are decent people.You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? No, youdon't see a chicken strapping some guy into a chair and hooking up hisnuts to a car battery, do you? When's the last chicken you heard aboutcome home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Doesn'thappen, 'cause chickens are decent people.